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Due to my ever-faithful insomnia, I’ve had a really hard time getting up in the mornings which means I’ve been taking the later bus to work. However every Thursday dinner and Grey’s night. My best friend, her husband, my sis and I have dinner (we alternate cooking), play some Catch Phrase or other fun game, drink lots of wine, and watch ABC (only to Google what happened on our shows the next day because we were too drunk to remember). Then I drunk dial my bestie Peach out in Seattle since it’s only 8 pm out there and she tolerates/laughs at my freshman in college behavior. Anyhoo, all that to say, I do get my ass on the early bus on Thursdays so that I can leave early and prepare for my night of revelry/cooking.
On the early bus, I have a lot of what I call “bus friends”. We say pleasantries. Sometimes have more than two liner conversations. Two of my “friends” make no bones about having a crush on me. It’s kind of funny that they act jealous of each other. Kicker – they’re both married and they’re both way older than I am. Usually I take their little jealously act as a compliment and just smile and shake my head in disbelief. That is until this morning…
I’m sitting in my seat reading my book minding my business when I hear the unmistakable sound of a camera phone taking a picture. I look around to see where it came from wondering what in the world could possibly be of interest at 7 am on a bus no less? I don’t see anyone with a phone or hastily putting one away. Bus friend #1 is sitting across the aisle from me. We get to the second bus stop. Bus friend #2 takes a seat behind me. The wheels on the bus go round and round and we’re on the interstate.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see friends #1 and #2 talking in low voices. I go back to reading. Then I see #2 get his cell phone and take a picture…of me! I look up all like “wtf?” but because I don’t like confrontation/know what to say I respond with “I know you just didn’t take a picture of me.” Then he tries to take another picture of me – I put my hand up over the lens. The girl that is sitting with no-longer-my- friend- #2 starts to call both of them perverts. I’m still sitting there astounded and perplexed by what just happened. I closed my book, looked up and said “Taking not-so-covert pictures is nothing but creepy. We don’t live in Hollywood and I am not an actress.” Opened my book and went back to reading. When no-longer-my- friend- #2 got off at his stop he told me to have a good day. I said “I don’t think I can after the start of my morning”. No-longer-my-friend-#1 then tried to back-pedal and tell me that he did not take any pictures. I just reiterated that it was super creepy and I’m considering only taking the late bus from now on.
I get to work and have this email from #2:
Hi PLT,
Good morning.. I hope that you had an enjoyable ride in this morning. Don’t worry, I deleted the pictures.
Sorry… #2
I did not respond. I’m not totally creeped out because these guys are harmless. But I do wish I had said something different. More powerful. More don’teventhinkofdoingthisshitagain type of statement. I feel like I let them off too easily and I hate feeling like I didn’t stick up for myself. You know how after something happens you think of the perfect comeback? Well, I still haven’t thought of that comeback. What would you have said?
I was cruising to work in the dreay, rainy weather flipping stations tryng to find a song when I came upon
“Here she comes now sayin’ Mony Mony
Shoot ‘em down turn around come on Mony
Hey she give me love and I feel all right now
Come on you gotta toss and turn
And feel all right, yeah I feel all right
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah”
Yeah! Of course I leave it there and rock out to the song doing my best car dance moves. The song itself reminds me of when we first moved to Manassas in 1987. My eldest brother is 10 years older than I am so at the time he was 17 and had the Billy Idol sneer down pat. I remember the really short shorts guys wore then. The boat shoes. The Vuarnet France tee shirts. Always trying to flirt with my brother’s friends at the young age of 7 and thinking they might be truly interested. Yes, good times indeed.
The song comes to an end. I’m in good mood still bobbing my head and then I hear the DJ say this:
“That was Billy Idol with “Mony Mony”. You know if you hear “Mony Mony” you are listening to the oldies station.”
Wait, what? Oldies station? Billy Idol?
Eff, this makes me feel old.
Perhaps I’ve alluded to this before, but most of my friends are in the “taken” category. I have never been that girl who is a constant “taken”. And I’m okay with that. My taken friends often comment that they live vicariously through me because, though I’m not a “taken”, I’m a damn good professional dater. This I like (most of the time anyway). I really do get to go on pretty fabulous dates to new restuarants, cool shows, fancy shmancy work parties (did I mention I like to dress up?), etc. I can see how this can look exciting and fun after your third Saturday in a row on the couch selecting an On Demand movie (not that there’s anything wrong with that…at all!).
And while my group of single girlfriends has definitely dwindled (seriously there is only 2 or 3 of us left), not much has changed relationship-wise with my taken friends. We still go out and have a good time. If anything I now have an even bigger search party looking for potential mates for me when we hit the bar. It’s nice having someone else do all the leg work and then literally drag a cute boy over to me. Taken girls need single girl friendships. Not in the negative sense of providing a reminder that “my life could be so much worse if I were single like you” (I don’t think I’d consider that person a friend if that was the purpose I held for them), but more along the lines of a partner in crime. When they can’t take another Saturday night on the couch or just need a break from the SO, they call the single friend to paint the town red. I like being this person. Also, the takens like to vent to the single friend (“If I have to do one more dinner with that heinous married couple (his friends) I’m going to put a fork in my eye). One of my married mommy friends recently confessed to me that I’m the only friend she can talk to for more than 10 minutes at a time. “Why?”, I asked. I learned it’s because when she talks to other married mommies and soon-to-be-mommies, it’s all about the babies. Either relating stories about pregnancy or delivery, or (and this is what kills her) relaying stories of where their baby is developmentally (“Little Jackson can lift his head and roll over and juggle! Can you believe that?!? Juggle! We’ve already called the circus. Big Daddy and Mama Bear are so proud!”).
So while obviously I’m still looking for my *one* (yes, I can still want to be a “taken” and enjoy my current single status), things are pretty good, right? I know you’re expecting a complaint/rant and I won’t let you down, my friends! Here’s when I don’t like being the single friend: when I’m only in the picture because you are all of a sudden single.
Background: I have a friend I have known for over 10 years. A great friend. Over the past couple of years she has entered my top tier of friends – that’s how good a friend I consider her to be. This past summer she went through a divorce. I was there for her every step of the way. In fact, I was the first person she told. The day it was finalized I took her out for Freedom Celebration drinks. After the divorce, we still talked 3 times a day at least. I helped her with her online dating profiles – what tag line to use, what pictures were most flattering. During this time, I did have a boyfriend, but still spent a considerable amount of time with her. When my relationship ended, she was a good friend to me in return. Calling often to see how I was holding up. Making sure I was busy, etc. That is, until she met someone shortly after. Plans started to break. Phone calls slowed to once a month and then stopped altogether. I seriously was so hurt. In my head our friendship was just about over.
Until I decided that I could do something. Afterall, communication works both ways. I emailed her around Christmas time and said I felt like our friendship has fallen by the way side – what can we do to fix it? She immediately responded and a dinner was planned. A good start…or so I thought. Since that time, nothing really changed. Until last Tuesday when I got a text from her “We broke up”.
I knew I should have called immediately and offered compassion, but I just couldn’t. I was still mad. And this just made me angrier because I knew (knew!) I was the only friend she was telling this to. Because I’m the only single friend in the group. I didn’t call. I did text asking a for a few details, but I knew if I called she would hear the contempt in my voice. She turned to me as the Patron Saint of Singles - for I would know exactly how she felt b/c I’ve been through many break ups (one of them being pretty fresh) and I would be the one who would be her wing-woman when she was ready to date again. I didn’t call her until Thursday. By then my anger had subsided and I was able to muster some compassion. We had dinner this past Friday and have another date set for this Saturday. I’m back in (good) friend-mode.
Now is clearly not the time to tell her how I’ve been feeling. I won’t add insult to her current injury. But something does need to be said. I just hope I have the balls to say it when she’s in a better place. In the end, I decided I can’t let a 10 year friendship go down the toilet because of a 5 month relationship for her and a friendship hiatus for me. In truth, I never stay very mad at my friends for very long. I can get over this. I know it was not intentional on her part to hurt me. It’s easy getting caught up in the newness of a relationship. Perhaps next time I just need to provide a gentle reminder that we’re not in high school anymore and therefore it’s not cool to ditch your friends for your Mr. Right Now. And besides, now my single girlfriends pool has just increased by 30%. Gotta look at the bright side 
Time of death – 22:24.
It wasn’t planned, but in light of this morning’s post, it’s not all too surprising. TNG and were talking and he called me out on whether or not I got the time of work to go down there for New Year’s. The gates opened – words very similar to this morning’s post were said (minus any cringe worthy sentiments) – overall, it wasn’t too bad. There were some hurt feelings and some “tone” was dispensed, but it could have been a lot worse. I still feel a bit guilty and my stomach is aching a bit, but I stuck to my guns and reminded him that from the beginning I was upfront about my cold and battered heart and that I wasn’t ready to date anyone.
If anything, I wish I could’ve been more sensitive. This is usually my nature, but when I feel attacked, I immediately go on the defensive. An ex once told me I should’ve been a lawyer b/c I remember everything and when it’s argument time I can rattle off a list facts of who, what, when, where, and why about any given situation that would help my “case”. But I digress…I wish I had been more sensitive (and nicer) because I’ve been wondering if this whole experience with TNG is the reverse of my relationship with the ex (I was WAY into him and perhaps he had me around b/c I was good to him even though he wasn’t in to me). It hurts to think that was the case, but regardless (notice I didn’t type “irregardless”, Peach in Rain!) my feelings were hurt a lot and I spent a lot of time wondering “why?”. Now, clearly not the same type of relationship was had, nor was it even the same magnitude, but feelings are feelings and no one likes to have theirs hurt, much less by someone being a bitch to them in the process. Please forgive me, TNG.
I think my Unisom is kicking in, that or my mind is too busy trying to chase all my thoughts. I’m not quite sure I articulated in this post exactly what I am thinking, but at the very least it’s helping the ache in my stomach ease up. And yes, I did just end that sentence with a preposition. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.
Good night, Darlings! Sleep well.
